I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
