I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
