You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
