Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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