I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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