woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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