God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
