I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
