your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
