They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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