I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
