don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
