he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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