So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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