atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Floor bacon is actually really good
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
