the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
