just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
