I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
