For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
