I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
