Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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