I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
