We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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