I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
