It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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