Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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