She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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