hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
