I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
