Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
