She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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