Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
