dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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