my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
