Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
