you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
