lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
