Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
