They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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