and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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