bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
