im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I should be sponsored by Trojan
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
