where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
