Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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