So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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