She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
