No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
