Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
