I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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