im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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