So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
