Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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