I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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