you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
