Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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