Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
